Measuring 230mm x 157mm x 9mm, and weighing just 430 grams, the Genesis will be easier to misplace than ever. The brushed aluminum back cover can conveniently double as a cutting board around the kitchen.
The front and back HD cameras will easily capture in high resolution all the embarrasing moments you’d rather not remember afterwards.
The smooth 720p videos will make you wish you never captured them. Or if they don’t, YouTube trolling will.
Too dumb for using a regular Windows PC? You should try our state of the art touch user interface. It may not do much, but what it does, it does it with style.
We tried bundling iOS, WebOS and Blackberry OS with the Genesis, but lawsuits kept haunting us, so no, you will be stuck with whatever Google finds fashionable at the time of release.
We thought social networking is funny. And that’s it. Facebook, Twitter, blah. kthxbye.
We know that you are not so social at all, so we’ve preloaded the Genesis tablet with a carefully curated selection of bookmarks to the world’s best porn websites instead. You know Jenna’s always gonna love you.
Forget TFT, forget LCD, hell forget even the Retina display. You haven’t seen anything like this before. Ever. We haven’t either, but we bet it will look nice.
The resolution of 1366x768 pixels will certainly make it easier on our marketing guys and harder on your eyes.
The Genesis tablet comes with twice the performance of previous gen tablets, but that won’t make you any better at mobile games.
Smoother and more realistic graphics really don’t matter much, when your gaming skills suck this much.
Web downloads are lightning fast with the Genesis tablet. Web sites will fly at you so fast you won’t even see them coming. Just like that semitruck that almost ran over your web browsing ass while street-crossing.
Expandable storage will make it a breeze to store all your porn. The microSD slot will even allow you to share it with friends.